I'm slowly drowning ,. I'm losing it already.. And what's worse, I have no one and nowhere to run to...

 I've been thinking and thinking if I really did choose the Right thing... The truth is, I hated the path I chose, even from the start,.

I'm like a god of hypocrisy, trying so hard to love what I'm doing... What even annoys me is that even how much I hate my path, I still do my best and get carried away with the challenges and competition,. But still, because it is Obviously not for me, even how much I try, the result still won't suffice...

Every angle I look, everything seems to be a betrayal. My only consolation is just to finish what I've started and then start a new and follow my dreams once I get reincarnated.. Unfortunately in my religion, there is no such thing as reincarnation..

 I'm losing my mental strength.. I have no more interest in anything, even with the things I love to do....I don't know,.

But in the end, only I can redeem myself ,no one else.... But I don't know how ,where, when to start moving...I have no idea...

 I know, this is very humiliating... But I think I'm desperately in need of help... Please.... Help me....